Why we don't do it…                           On the contrary…

You “know” the other person needs to hear the negative things to improve	\      Negativity improves nothing. And no one can truly “know” exactly what another person needs. It’s not up to you to judge.
\      There is such a thing as too many positives and it makes me feel submissive/powerless	\      Boosting someone else will NEVER make you worse off. As long as you’re sincere, you can never be too positive about someone.
\      I already compliment him/her enough	\      Chances are you don’t. And who defines “enough”? A person should get significantly more praise from their loved ones than anyone else in their life.
\      It’s good for me to get out all the negative things I’m feeling toward him/her	\      Not to their face. Yes, get the negatives things out, go for a jog, write down your feelings or put in some head phones but let it dissipate privately. Then whatever feelings persist, present them using “I” statements (see below).
\      He/she doesn’t have enough positive things for me to comment on	\      You probably don’t either. Take time to seek them out and you'll find more than you realized.
\      He/she doesn’t follow the rule	\      Be proactive NOT reactive. If you’re always waiting on the other person to make the first positive move then you’ll be waiting a long time. And it’s contagious so if you start then chances are they’ll catch on.

“I” Statements

From the marriage handbook created by StrongerMarriage.org:

“I” statements can be combined with a specific focus on the behavior. Labeling a person can

quickly make that person defensive and upset. See how these are different:

\      “You’re such a slob,” vs. “I’d like it if you’d remember to put the wet towels in the hamper.”

\      “You’re thoughtless,” vs. “I feel really sad that you forgot our anniversary.”

\      “You never help with the children,” vs. “I’d feel much less stressed if you helped with the children’s bedtime routine.”

Marriage Infographic

I was thinking about how Mitch and I need to take more pictures of our married life activities and was thinking what we could do with them. I originally thought of just doing a collage of our photos in the shape of an L but I was looking for something more interesting...with more detail. Then I thought of doing an infographic like the one shown here with collected facts and little icons etc. Here is the list I have so far of things to keep track of for the first year.

Number of states visited

frozen yogurt trips

Sunday dinners cooked

Number of times "I Love you" said (based on daily average of 2 times/day)

Number of bike rides

Journal entries

Road trips

Number of spiders found in basement

Wendy's trips

Bruges wafflles (or other dessert places) trips

Number of video games played together

Double/group dates

Number of songs listened to in the car

Different types of sports played/attended together

Number of dollars spent at ______

Number of texts sent (calculate w/a weekday and weekend average)

This Is It

That moment when you see all the tragic news footage of fires and natural disasters flash across your mind and think “I might be a casualty or a barely breathing  under a ton of rubble”. This particular brand of fear comes each time the fire alarm blares. For most, this comes as a yearly or quarterly drill meant to prepare for the worst, with no real threat. Still, though only the most transparent of us will admit, we have that split second of “what if this isn’t a drill” or “this is it”.

I had such thoughts traipse through my head this morning  and, unfortunately, while finishing my business in the office ladies room. Alone. In the dark. Certainly the fastest I’ve ever used toilet paper in my life. Amidst fleeing the stall (that would surely crush me no matter the disaster) the automatic lights flashed back on for a second and I took a glimpse in the mirror. And suppressed a smirk. My face was a frozen ‘composed’ panic (you know the kind where you want to look cool and not scared but the fear beneath the surface is poking through) and I was pulling my skirt frantically over my underwear…and prancing toward the door. Once the smoke I swore I saw “dissolved” and I joined the throng leading to the stairwell, I relaxed. Instantly, my fallback method of becoming chatty to unkink my nervous energy started up. As my legs still shaky from the startle brought me down the stairs, I prayed no one would notice…even though shaky legs were widely shared because when that alarm went off everyone thought, even for a split second, “this is it”.