This Is It

That moment when you see all the tragic news footage of fires and natural disasters flash across your mind and think “I might be a casualty or a barely breathing  under a ton of rubble”. This particular brand of fear comes each time the fire alarm blares. For most, this comes as a yearly or quarterly drill meant to prepare for the worst, with no real threat. Still, though only the most transparent of us will admit, we have that split second of “what if this isn’t a drill” or “this is it”.

I had such thoughts traipse through my head this morning  and, unfortunately, while finishing my business in the office ladies room. Alone. In the dark. Certainly the fastest I’ve ever used toilet paper in my life. Amidst fleeing the stall (that would surely crush me no matter the disaster) the automatic lights flashed back on for a second and I took a glimpse in the mirror. And suppressed a smirk. My face was a frozen ‘composed’ panic (you know the kind where you want to look cool and not scared but the fear beneath the surface is poking through) and I was pulling my skirt frantically over my underwear…and prancing toward the door. Once the smoke I swore I saw “dissolved” and I joined the throng leading to the stairwell, I relaxed. Instantly, my fallback method of becoming chatty to unkink my nervous energy started up. As my legs still shaky from the startle brought me down the stairs, I prayed no one would notice…even though shaky legs were widely shared because when that alarm went off everyone thought, even for a split second, “this is it”.