How bad did I want to move back east? February 29, 2012 12:30 pm: We'd been married all of 13 days and Mitch had yet to even taken his final LSAT to make him eligible, I created a folder in Evernote titled "Future Plans". I was, in every sense of the word, ecstatic and thrilled and invigorated and every other word for excited about moving away. Sure Idaho was a nice place to grow up and Utah treated me fine, but North Carolina? Or Virginia? Vermont? Or even Tennessee? Every picture in every book or website that I'd ever seen of those places rotated through my mind. I could see those in person! I could live and work and have cats and babies in those places! All my Facebook and Instagram photos from now on would be full of green, lush backgrounds and cool cityscapes/architecture never found in Utah or Idaho. I would meet people that didn't know the definition of "molly mormon", who didn't roll their eyes about me living 4 years in the "BYU bubble", who knew what it was like to lives hours away from a temple. I had over 200 pages saved in Evernote for apartments, jobs and even things to do for each place that Mitch sent his applications to. I planned weekend trips to Virginia to meet up with Mitch's sister and brother-in-law who was also going to law school. Sure I knew Mitch kinda wanted to go to the U but that fact got swallowed by my daydreams of forested backyards and long weekend drives to the east coast or NYC.
We flew out just 6 weeks ago and visited the gorgeous campus of University of Maryland law school. I interviewed for jobs in downtown DC and the suburbs of Maryland. We toured several apartments with wooded greenbelts and tree-lined parking areas. Mitch practically told the U of M counselors that he'd made the decision. Upon returning, I of course shared it with everyone! The prideful monster inside me delighted at being able to brag that I wouldn't be stuck here in Utah. No, I was getting out. Ha!.... sometimes now I wonder if that's why we couldn't go back east. I needed to be humbled. Well that pie was large and it got thrown full force into my unsuspecting face.
July 25th, just 6 days after we returned from our DC/Baltimore visit, University of Utah calls Mitch and not only reverses their decision from rejected to accepted but offers him a sizable scholarship. This was his dream all along. I was just too blind and dreamy to realize it. My world played spin-the-bottle and landed on the least desirable candidate...for me.
Today, we're living closer to campus than we would have ever been with schools back east. We're paying tuition at a fraction of what it would have cost anywhere else. Mitch will mostly likely get a high-paying, secure job the second he graduates. We are within a short drive from our family and live within blocks of temple square, yet I am still struggling to be grateful. What conversation is on repeat in my mind?
New acquaintance: "So tell me about yourself"
Me: "Grew up in Idaho, will die in Utah. The End"
Abhorrently negative, selfish, narrow-minded and pessimistic? Yes. Is it getting better?
....Mostly...TBA...God-willing....yes.
p.s.
I have to clarify. Do I blame my wonderful husband? Heavens no, although he unfortunately kept thinking I did through the process. It was not a decision he made lightly nor selfishly and he of course was excited to move as well. It just wasn't in the plan for us...most unfortunately.
