Better Things Ahead.

Mitch and I work in our respective offices from 8 to 5 daily doing mostly stationary, computer-based assignments. We know we're not in our dream careers and we know we must endure this until our next phase in life. We try to avoid the phrase "I don't want to go to work tomorrow" but it comes often. We are happy to have completed our undergraduate degree and grateful for the family that has helped us get to this point. 
But it's only NOON ON A FRIDAY and we're ready to be done for the week. Date night with friends at Pizzeria Limone, moving my grandpa to an assisted living location and a quick trip to Price will hopefully make the weekend fulfilling, in order to transition us back to our 40 HOUR DESK JOBS.

Budgeting Gumption

  

Groupon is a clever beast. They send me emails and I can ignore exactly 3 out of 4 of them...but that 1 I can't ignore usually gets me to buy something. Typically it's a 50% restaurant deal or auto coupon which, considering how much we go out to eat and need our cars working, it's helpful. However, I sometimes want to splurge on hair care or consumer goods and that is NOT okay. I should probably even cut down the restaurant coupons because that only encourages us to eat out more. Looking at the future budget amounts for law school I can't even begin to justify the spending we do now in comparison...but we're slowly getting better. I found a new slogan help in this frugal journey ahead. I ask myself...

"Can I acquire this thing or service in a different way with similar results and not spend this much?" 

If after true introspection the answer is still No...then it's justifiable BUT if, for an instant I think of an alternative then I need to re-evaluate and probably answer YES.

So does Groupon offer great deals on things I need? Yes
Are some of those deals things that I've already found an economic way to fulfill? Yes
Here's a happy caveat though...
If Groupon offers something I needed before I found the deal AND the discount is better than I would get with my usual method then...I CAN get it! Yay!

A quick preface...

I have always been a bit of an amateur sociologist. I enjoy self-help articles and psychological studies on human behavior in my spare time. As such, I sometimes use a character from my own life to launch into commentary on some theory or study I've learned about. As you can see from my most recent post I used my husband whom, to my delight, is very attentive, responsible and in reality only watches a handful of sports games a week. Conveniently the advice, therefore, can be applied to the light/medium watcher like my husband, or the heavier watchers that one may encounter in their lives. Peruse the posts with that in mind....

March Madness....how to survive

 

This marriage advice book (by Dr. John Lund) that I've been reading in the evenings and sharing highlights with Mitch, has been pretty insightful. I've learned that men need to know the parameters of any assignment or favor, meaning how long it will take, what it will involve etc. I learned that men can only devote 100% of their attention to one thing at a time while all other activities get 30% or less. Women can usually give 100% to each activity simultaneously so that's why we find it very frustrating that our husbands can't listen to us talk about our day while watching sports. We should not expect them to, it's against their anatomical makeup. Instead, Dr. Lund suggests asking our husbands ahead of time (before the TV goes on) if we can have 15 - 20 mins of talking time a night. Then they know to plan their game-watching around that and anticipate its occurrence on a regular basis. In that case most men, Lund says, are more than willing to give up this time each day. I've also learned to plan my interruptions during commercials or ask him how much longer the game will take. That way it puts my needs on his radar so when the game's over he knows I need his attention next. I'm also starting to come up with activities that I can do in the same room while he watches games so that we can still be together. I get on my laptop, check email, work on a photoshop project, organize photos, find recipes, pinterest, stretch, read, do a craft project etc. He enjoys having me in the room even though I'm not watching and I can be productive and not get frustrated by my aversion to watching sports.

Overall, the best advice we've received, for any situation, is to be respectful and never criticize. I would include that this means not complaining to other women about how much sports watching our husband or boyfriend does. Women have the uncanny ability to commiserate over a vast number of things, let's not make one of those our husbands' habits or faults. 

Wedding Prep Advice

Marriage day prep is as crazy as everyone says. I was fortunate enough to not feel the full force until a few weeks before but boy did I feel it. Number one piece of advice I'd give to future brides: Make an outline!! All the relatives/friends involved in reception setup etc., make sure they know minute by minute how everything should go. Put the times of when sealing, photo sessions, reservations times are along with addresses of flower/food/rental pickups etc. And give assignments (after confirming with the individuals of course). Put the phone numbers of the main parties on the outline and give a copy to each group. I wish I had done this!!!

Other pieces of advice...ask people to help you with invites (labels, stuffing, cutting etc.). DO NOT do it alone. Make a list of things you must have for the day of and then things that are negotiable. Secure the must-have's first. I did this and was very grateful. This did include charging items on my credit card but I made huge payments each paycheck so nothing was ever due (I think this helps raise your credit score too so that's a plus).

The Honeymoon

We had an absolute wonderful time! And this is what I suggest you do and don't for best results.

DO...go to the doctor. I was literally 99% more nervous than I needed to be. I brought my cousin who I'm close with and that made it even less nerve-wracking. So I suggest bringing a friend/relative that you're close with to help you relax. I also chose a male doctor because he was gentle (versus a female who might have a more "toughen up" attitude) If the doctor doesn't suggest that you use something leading up to the honeymoon then talk to me. It's a lifesaver if you do a certain appropriate prep work. 

DO...talk about sex often with your fiance. Yes the first few times are extremely awkward but it will be 100% worth it in the end. After a few weeks the awkwardness will be minimal and by the time the day comes, not only will you be excited but your nervousness will be almost 0%. You could try looking up "ice breaker" questions for starting the conversation or just jump in cold turkey but DO IT.

DO...book a nice place for your first night. I splurged a little bit but it was so worth it. That's the last place you want to feel any discomfort with your surroundings. Ask me if you want a recommendation.

DON'T...get all your advice from parents or others of their generation. While they have good general advice, I don't recommend getting all the details this way. A) it was a while ago for them and B) technology has advanced in this area that make things easier and still appropriate. 

Married Life

Having only been married for 10 days I highly recommend married life, obviously, but I can still see how it can become a significant learning experience as many say. We've followed the advice of those around us to pray together each night and I've started to share little marriage tips from a book I'm reading. Is it too early to read a marital success book? Absolutely not! The conversations we've gleaned have been amazingly healthy and entertaining, even this early on. 

And...as a sidenote. If you're 22 and single like I was, DO NOT convince yourself that you're not getting married no matter how many relationships you've been in. There is no age limit on getting married in this world and especially if you're under 30, don't even start to accept single life. It's inconsiderate to girls that are older than you and it puts your heart through unnecessary stress. It literally can happen quicker than you can imagine and if you're wasting your energy on "preparing to be a twenty-something spinster" then you might not have the strength to form your lips into "Yes" when he pops the question. 

A quote to live by...

" There are seasons in life. Don't ever let anyone deny you the blessings and joy of one season because they believe you should be in—or stay in—another season." -Jane Clayson

Change of pace. Change of lifestyle.

One thing to keep in mind before I rant and rave too much. This stage of my life really is good and as One Republic puts it "Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want, We're young enough to say Oh this has gotta be the good life"

And this won't be the last change either. I recently graduated (well I walked but with 4 credits to finish before August I'm practically done). Found a great internship near my grandpa's house so I'm living with him and working part time on the weekends. Until I establish a more solid social life up here I tend to make frequent trips down to the college town to meet up with old roommates, cousins, and the man in my love life.

Sundays I've learned can be far more lonely than I had imagined. Contrary to the happy post I made previously watching Little Women with the roomies, I now read...and read and eat and nap and read. All in a quiet house only interrupted occasionally by talks with gramps or chats with my other cousin living with us. Boohoo you might say. Why complain about that? Well I shouldn't complain. It's a great setup and I enjoy helping out grandpa and having my own room. The loneliness will abate with time I am confident. And the more confidence I find in myself and my independent abilities to fill empty spaces of time will further expedite the process.

List of things to accomplish/stay busy with:

• Find a job for the fall (#1 priority)
• Make new friends
• Build relationship with cousin and grandpa
• Exercise regularly
• Yard maintenance (might be a long time before I live somewhere with a yard again)
• Read (currently reading I am a Mother by Jane Clayson, and The Book Thief by Markus Zusak)
• Improve my cooking skills

We'll see how far I get with these before adding anything else.

One last thing I learned when feeling down or unmotivated it's good to plan fun activities regularly to keep yourself optimistic and excited for the immediate future which will then help you to be more proactive in establishing an exciting long term future.